My partner and I (she’s a woman, I’m a man) regularly have several-minute-long full-body orgasms that leave us feeling energized afterward.
How is this possible… when most people have 2-second genital sneezes that leave them feeling depleted and tired?
Upon reading that, some of you might be thinking:
“Okay, I call bullshit, Jordan. Energizing orgasms for minutes at a time? That can’t be possible. But thanks for the highly arousing bedtime story.”
Before I explored these waters for myself, I used to think that too.
And because the idea seemed so outlandish, I thought it was going to be incredibly difficult and time-consuming to learn how to do.
But I quickly learned that, for anyone, having extended or multiple orgasms doesn’t take decades of study in a mountain cave with Taoist masters.
When you break it down, it’s an incredibly simple practice that you can start making huge progress on this week…
Simply because it involves perspectives and practices that are foreign and untaught in western culture. Being so far outside of the common paradigm, it appears far weirder and mystical than it really is.
It’s like if you grew up in a town where everyone drank water by dipping their face in a stream. You just come to believe that’s the only way to quench your thirst, and think nothing of it.
Then, one day, someone travels through town. They see everybody going back and forth to the river all day. After watching for a while, they stop you and ask why everyone drinks this way—and claims they can drink water anytime, anywhere they want.
“Impossible,” you say. “What is this sorcery you speak of!?”
They reach into their satchel, pull out a bottle, and your mind is blown to smithereens.
The simplest of tools, and the smallest of mental shifts, suddenly produces a massive transformation in the way you live.
In our case, the “water” we’ll be dealing with is sexual energy. We’ll be moving past the limiting ideas about it that we inherited from the world, in order to look at new yet simple ways to work with it, relate to it, and think about it.
Then, with those smallest of changes, you can start seeing them translate into life-altering impacts in the bedroom.
Understanding Sexual Energy
Sexual energy is the most powerful force on the entire planet. And it must be respected.
It is the force that has perpetuated our species for millions of years, and built our entire civilization. It is the force behind all creativity. It encompasses that within us that is passionate, vitalizing, intense, and generative.
When treated well, it can heal you, change you, bring you alive, and blow open the doors of your consciousness.
When treated poorly, it can inadvertently dominate your life and leave you feeling repressed, stuck, and lethargic.
To master orgasm and ejaculation, one of the first things you’ll want to learn to do is learn how to manage and direct your sexual energy.
This is something we’re not only never taught to do, but are actually taught the complete opposite of.
Our culture has a shitty, superficial relationship with sexual energy, which directly affects our relationship with our own. It’s not celebrated, explored, or encouraged.
We generally learn to restrict, shame, hide, and remain silent about our sexuality.
And because we’re too busy locking it up, we never learn to sense it, harness it, or direct it.
When kept in the dark, it’s reduced to being an automatic yet mysterious phenomenon, that we might abuse and waste to no end.
Most people tend to think of orgasms as a button to press, or a lever to pull, to get a momentary, pleasant rush. The same way people use snacks, cigarettes, or alcohol. They often amount to a frivolous feel-good moment that’s forgotten in a flash.
And for men, many of us don’t understand how constantly ejaculating, with the attitude of “ejecting” a payload of energy, is like a pilot repeatedly hitting the dump valve on their fuel tank.
As a consequence of doing this nearly every day since puberty, many people have never experienced the full potential of their libido, and how much energy, focus, power, and aliveness they could really have.
But with just a few ideas below, and a bit of further training, you can revolutionize your orgasmic experience and unlock massive energetic potential. You’ll not only be able to crank up the intensity knob, but leave yourself feeling topped up and revitalized.
Here are my core five tips for ejaculating without losing energy.
1. Splurge only when you can afford it
Make sure you’re ejaculating only when you’re regularly riding the higher edge of your stored sexual energy.
So, when your libido, or sexual vitality, gets to a 4/10, don’t immediately beat it back down to a 0. Which is the habit for most guys.
Instead, let it build and hover between 7-10. That way, when you do ejaculate, you’re not completely resetting, and you’re always sitting on stored energy.
It’s the same as money. If your mental ‘zero’ mark, or minimum float point, is actually zero, that’s stressful. But if you’re mental ‘zero’ mark in your bank account is $10k, then you always have ample energy to dip into.
There is a good dose of discipline involved here. Because you can only develop an internal sense of your 1-10 scale by letting yourself experience your full range of sexual energy. And that means holding off on jerking off when you really feel like doing it.
So, for guys with a chronic masturbation habit, this might require committing to NOP/NOM (no porn, no masturbation) and only ejaculating with your partner. Or setting restrictions around how often you masturbate, if you’re single.
Besides just giving it time to build, you can also help boost your libido by looking to exercise, diet, and a ton of biohacks.
For men, our sexual energy is directly linked to testosterone levels. The lower your T levels, the lower the ceiling your sexual energy can rise to.
A while back, I did a deep dive on boosting testosterone that you can check out for all kinds of tips.
2. Iron out the kinks
Do upstream work on removing physical tension from your body. This means keeping regular practices of de-stressing, and opening up tight muscles and fascia, well before you get to sexual activity.
That way, you’re not all jacked up and tense, and energy can move freely through you.
Physiologically, orgasms are essentially ripples of electrical current through the nervous system, which are triggered after hitting a tipping point of built up stimulation.
If there are crimps or blockages in the wiring running through your bodily tissue, then that current can’t pass through as easily. It may get trapped, or dulled.
And if the energy is trapped or dulled, then there’s nothing for you to sense and direct.
This is why mobility work, yoga, massage, and tension release are so critical to tantric work.
You’ll want to keep a regular physical practice. Ideally a blend of them, that you can alternate between every day. Consider yin yoga classes, deep tissue massages, and an at-home stretching/massage practice.
Try exchanging partner massages regularly, and especially before sex. It’s an amazing way to combine relaxation with foreplay and boosting intimacy.
You don’t need to be a professional with medical-grade knowledge of anatomy. It’s all about soothing touch and communication. For some pointers, see my articles on penis massage, pussy massage, and sensual massage (for women.)
For a slightly more advanced method of releasing tension, I highly recommend T.R.E. Tremoring.
Very few people have heard of Trauma Release Exercises. And it might sound super intense and intimidating at first. But, in practice, it’s no more complicated than basic stretching.
You may want to research this a little bit. But the basic concept is this: When you intentionally induce involuntary tremoring in your body, it discharges old, buried stress, tension, and trapped emotions.
The method I’ve used the most is similar to butterfly pose in yoga, but fully laid down, instead of sitting up.
Start by laying flat on your back. Bend your knees at a 90-degree angle, with your feet together, and let your knees fall apart all the way to the side Then, as slowly as you can, engage your hip and pelvic muscles to begin bringing your knees together. At some point, probably 20-40% of the way up, your muscles will start shaking on their own. Once you hit that spot, keep your legs in that position so the tremoring continues. As it subsides, bring your knees ever-so slightly closer together and see if you can get another wave.
And boom! You’ve just completed a clinical therapeutic practice at home.
Be vigilant with these practices every day. And again, you don’t have to do them all each day (but if you have the time and bandwidth, go for it!). Consider booking 1-2 yoga classes or massages per week, and begin with spending 5-10 minutes per day doing your own bodywork at home. Let it be a new ritual after waking up, before bed, or when you’re finished working for the day.
The win-win of committing to these practices is that you’ll probably see your general stress levels plummet and your peace of mind skyrocket. Making you feel more joyful and energized every day, not just when you climax.
3. Ramp up to the Big “O”
As you feel an orgasm building, approach it very, very slowly. If you sprint toward climax and leap off the cliff with abandon, then yes, you’ll likely max out, hit a pleasure wall of intensity, and then feel depleted.
Instead, slow way down and let the climax arrive on a much longer, slower schedule.
Rather than suddenly hitting a 10/10 point for a few seconds, the onset will be a long, swelling 8/10, where you’re feeling the exact same sensations, just stretched out for a way longer period of time.
It’s almost like you’re playing a video in slow motion. What usually takes a split second to happen can get drawn out for a minute or more.
To help the ramping up effect, see if you can continue relaxing every part of your body as you feel the swell rising.
When you’re pushing, and tense, it tends to rush the orgasm along, and you miss feeling the fulness of it.
But when you’re remaining completely softened and open, you let the orgasm rise and flow through you entirely.
With surfing, it’s like patiently riding a wave and letting it take control of you, versus trying to jump on too early or force things in another direction.
When you’re in sync and sitting on the sweet spot of the wave, you get to harness its full power, and enjoy a long ride all the way into shore. Rather than being off balance and getting in one or two crazy seconds before turning and bailing off.
4. Imagine charging your batteries, instead of draining them
This is something most men do, but have never thought about. That is: When you ejaculate, you probably relish in the feeling of release and “blowing your load,” as the saying goes.
You might rush toward the feeling of emptiness, and being spent, that usually accompanies orgasm—both during and afterward. It kind of feels like being an air cannon, where you’re building up a bunch of pressure and tension in your body to shoot something out.
And this mental dynamic has a huge impact on what an orgasm ends up doing to you.
Part of both extending your orgasm and not losing energy during it is related to redefining what an orgasm is.
To most men, an orgasm is an ejaculation. It’s what they can immediately see and feel. They have zero awareness or interest in the subtler internal sensations that surround the obvious physical symptom. When really, it’s that inner, somatic charge that ripples around from your head to toes.
When you begin stretching and slowing the duration of your orgasmic energy, imagine the swelling sensation is an electric current (which, as mentioned, it ultimately is, since orgasms are build-ups of electrical impulses carried through the nervous system).
Instead of focusing on the impending opportunity to dump it all out, focus on keeping it inside, and circling it through your body.
As it builds, take deep breaths through your nose. And rather than thinking about drawing air into your lungs, imagine you’re drawing that swelling energy out of your pelvis and up into your body. Picture it filling you up, and charging you like a battery.
And if/when you do climax (the “if” is covered in my guide to non-ejaculatory orgasms for men) fight the urge to allow the energy to feel like it’s shooting out your cock. Keep breathing, hold that sense of a full electric charge in your body, and just let the ejaculation happen on its own.
Which brings us to the final point…
5. Breathe. A fuck ton.
Whether you’re being sexual with yourself or with a partner, breathe constantly.
During foreplay. During direct stimulation. And deeply all the way through your orgasm.
Tension and no breathing = bad orgasm.
Full body relaxation and lots of breathing = insane, extended, deeply nourishing orgasm.
Plus, you’ll still have energy afterwards.
Breath is life force energy. Bringing in oxygen to your body during sex is like fanning the flames of a fire. They expand and intensify. And so will the sensations in your nethers (yes, your nethers… I’ve been writing about sex publicly for nearly a decade and I’ve never once used this phrase so please just let me have this… I have to amuse myself somehow, k thanks).
Focusing deeply on your breath also allows the rest of your muscles to relax, where they would usually constrict. That not only rushes you to climax, but also dampens the experience of it by cutting off the free flow of energy through your body.
With each breath, imagine any tension in your body melting away. Relax your shoulders, core, pelvis, legs, and feet.
If you’re trying to delay orgasm, picture yourself drawing energy away from your mid-body as you inhale. If you’re trying to expand and intensify orgasm, picture your inhales sending energy toward your mid-body, to fuel the fire building there as your sexual energy pools and ratchets up.
Many of these principles and building blocks of tantra, like visualization, might occur as “hippy-dippy.” All this stuff about breath, or prana, or chi, or mind affecting the body—it’s usually hard for many to wrap their heads around.
But that’s exactly the leap one has to make in order to experience the benefits. Like I said at the beginning, this all requires an unintuitive yet very simple shift in approach.
I can’t explain how all this works in hard scientific terms. But I can tell you for damn sure that this shit WORKS.
Someway, somehow, following the simple key practices of:
- Stockpiling energy
- Opening/de-stressing your body
- Slowly approaching climax
- Imagining being charged instead of unloaded
- And breathing lots…
Leads to radically different and wildly more amazing orgasms.
The last thing I’ll leave you with is the biggest potential obstacle standing in your way.
Besides laziness, the one thing that will close the doors to this whole experience for you is skepticism.
So, if there’s something I could give you in addition to commitment in practicing all these steps…
It would be surrendered openness.
Because if you don’t truly allow yourself to give this a chance and a healthy dose of respect, then you’ll be missing out.
So, act as if you don’t know the truth. Act as if sex and orgasms are a total mystery, and everything you’ve ever thought you knew for certain about them is wrong.
And know that it’s awesome to be wrong sometimes.
Because when you’re humbly open to exploring new perspectives, that’s when you make the greatest, most epic discoveries. And go way beyond what you ever thought was possible.
I can’t wait for you to venture into this territory…
And I’m looking forward to reading your “I thought you were kidding but OMFG” emails.
Dedicated to your success,
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